Sub deck

Port Ludlow, Washington

(for Al and Terri Wolf)

I head down the path, laptop in tow,
to get some work done on an afternoon
when my hometown two states south

broils under mid-July heat. But here,
on the sub deck, some 30 degrees cooler,
I gaze out at the head of the Hood Canal

toward a thickly forested island that looks
to be a hearty stone’s throw across
the gray-green water. So close I can see

driftwood on the beach, count the pines
that nestle just above the high tide line,
as I look to the deep channel for subs

like the one we saw yesterday as our
hosts drove us to their home. We marveled
at the whopper of a Loch Ness monster,

tall neck outstretched above its dark back,
churning its way toward the Hood Canal
bridge, traffic stopped, our vehicle first

in line. Terri and Al bemoaned the
25-minute wait, but Cathy and I,
first-time visitors to see our friends

who’ve happily relocated in the Pacific
Northwest, emerged from the car to
stand in whipping wind and chart

the submarine’s approach, while before
us, the bridge parted like a Biblical sea
to allow the great beast’s passage.

Today I sit on a cushy sofa on Al’s sub
deck that he carved between ferns and
pines below their house, looking for subs—

which are not evident this afternoon,
though tufts of dandelion circle like
friendly gnats, and silhouettes of birds

do-si-do overhead as swirling cloud
scrawls lazily drift in wistful patterns
against the ever-changing blue sky

backdrop—aware that I am taking in
a tiny fraction of the world, that so
much remains unseen, so much I will

never perceive or understand,
which the birdsounds remind me
is perfectly all right—that, in fact,

it’s exactly as it should be.

Looking out at the Hood Canal from the Wolfs’ sub deck / Photo: Jan Haag
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Shalom

I appear in a selfie taken
by a 50-something woman with
a Hawaiian-style backpack
and her turquoise T-shirt’d fella
as we stand in line,
waiting to board the plane.

She holds up her phone,
takes a photo, and in the small screen
I can see my face between them,
on their way to Israel, I overhear.

I want to ask her for a copy.
It’s rare that you get to catch
yourself in the act of an accidental
photo bombing, becoming part
of a stranger’s memory.

I wonder if they or the ones
who receive their portrait
will admire the couple en route
to adventure, then wonder,

Who is that smiling woman
with the glasses behind them?
What’s her story?

Sacramento International Airport / Photo: Jan Haag
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No distance

(for Terri, the day after her birthday
as I arrive for an in-person visit)

•••

We visit now, sometimes write together,
onscreen, my distant friend,

but somehow the miles melt as we talk,
as Quince makes an appearance,

as our long conversation continues,
not distant at all, but alive with stories.

You tour me around your workroom,
point me out the window toward

the pines and cobalt saltwater that
infuse you, inspire your words, your

your latest art pieces, that, thanks to
zooming magic, allow my aging eyes

to see you close up, almost better
than in person. No distance at all.

And that mammoth kitty in the picture
makes us both smile as he strolls

by, prompting me to reach toward
my screen, my hand ready to pat,

my arms sending you a hug.

Terri, Jan and Quince having a visit
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Sunflower

(for Jill)

Jill brought me a single sunflower
the size of a bread plate, a small
orange stop sign atop a sturdy stem.

“I wanted to bring you the whole thing,”
said the flower-grower, beaming her
sunny grin, “but it wouldn’t fit in my car.”

And I imagined a six-foot-tall version
of this happy-faced seed pod leaning
out of one of her SUV’s windows,

its shaggy head nodding, its ray
flowers frilly as a tutu circling
the floret-filled center. If roses make

some of us swoon, sunflowers elicit
a smile, much like their cousins
the daisies, the instinct live in us

turn our faces sunward, soaking
up the warmth of our nearest star,
which this towering plant with

its heart-shaped leaves at its base
generates—this spectacular summer
gift that lets the sunshine in,

long may it blaze.

•••

Together We Heal, the nonprofit created and run by Jill Batiansila, grows
flowers each spring and summer to give to people who are grieving,
as well as offering free yoga, walking, counseling and writing sessions.
I’m honored to lead monthly writing groups for Together We Heal in
Elk Grove, California. Its groups and services are open to all.

Jill Batiansila of Together We Heal with one of her sunflowers /
Photo: Jan Haag

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Watermelon

Green Buddhas
On the fruit stand.
We eat the smile
And spit out the teeth.


—“Watermelons,” Charles Simic

I heft the perfect orb in one hand,
the size of a cantaloupe but
crocodile green with alligator stripes,
smiling at its smooth-firmness,
imagining the gifts inside.

And I find that I’m loath to cut
into it, which is silly. The temp’s
rising toward the century mark
again—perfect watermelon
weather.

But I’m transfixed by this globe
grown from seed, not shaped by
human hands, so perfect a piece
of art I’d pedestal it, write odes
to it, which I suppose I am,

promising myself that tomorrow
I’ll do it—take the big knife and halve
the sphere, take a spoon to it and spoon
its sweetness right into my mouth,
no plate, no napkin,

all that succulence settling onto
my tongue, swallowing summer
with perhaps a seed or two,
fruity lovingkindness eager to
sprout into pure joy.

Photo / Jan Haag
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Winged spirit

Woman becoming bird,
bird becoming woman?
Does it matter?

Are we not cousins
to crow, crane, hawk,
egret?

Are our arms not growing
feathered, our bones
becoming hollow,

readying for flight?
Have we not felt the wings
we’ve grown, lifting?

Yes, we rise as omens
of good fortune,
of the fruitful hunt,

of humanity’s well-being,
we winged spirits
utterly transformed

into something substantial,
something lighter
than air.

(For Isabel Stenzel Byrnes, who flew today into mystery, with my love
and admiration for her remarkable life.)

Photo / Jan Haag
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How to build a fish

(after Kathleen Lynch—and for her, too)

1. Go to the river.
Hunger for the current.
Lean into the water.
Listen.
Inhale the sound
deep into your being.

2. Find the smallest twigs.
Construct a delicate frame,
a basket to contain the tiniest
of hearts and other organs.

3. Fashion fins
(1 for each side plus 1 tail),
2 eyes and 1 wide mouth.
Add a strong desire
for winged insects.

4. Empty your heart
into the silver skin,
the deflated gills.
Breathe into its mouth;
feel the little being
swell in your hands.

5. Wade into the river
up to your calves;
feel this new life flop
in your fingers.
Set it gently in the shallows.

6. Watch it take its first lungfuls
of the water of its ancestors.
Admire the sheen of its scales.
Note the quick flick
of its muscular tail.

7. Think: gone.

•••

(Inspired by—and offered as a prompt to my writing groups—one of my favorite poems, “How to Build an Owl,” by masterful Sacramento poet Kathleen Lynch / http://www.timestenpoets.org/lynch/owl.htm )

Blue fish (detail), mixed media / Eric Just
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Lilli sings to me

one Sunday each month in the loft,
and today, newly turned fourteen,
about to start high school, she

unleashes two new songs with
dense lyric structures, packed with
mature metaphor many older

songwriters lack. She, fresh from
a concert featuring two of her favorite
former-boy-band-now-grownup singers,

arrives glowing about traveling to LA
with her mom for her first live show,
about making a new friend there, and

ooh! they’ve got tickets to another
concert in town in September,
her smile dimpling her cheeks.

I’m again amused and delighted
by her enthusiasm and precocious
creative skills, imagining her onstage

someday, her own kind of singer-
songwriter, this girl poet and fiction
writer blossoming like summer roses

before me—a bit like me at that age
but even better, more capable, more
confident. I’ve got another one

I just wrote last night, she says,
searching her phone for the lyrics
she tapped with her long-nailed

fingertips, words coming to her
so quickly she could hardly get
them down fast enough.

She hands me the phone to read.
Wonderful, I say. Sing it to me.
And she does.

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The practice

Stroke by stroke, lap by lap,
we move down the lane.

We sit, breathe, thoughts
flitting through like birds.

Step by step our feet meander
or stride or, for some, run.

Pick up the bat, throw the ball,
let fingers press keys, whether

clarinet, flute, typewriter,
keyboard. We practice every day

the routine everydayness,
whether conscious or un- ,

getting in the car, drawing
the seatbelt across the chest,

soaping the flatware or
installing it in the washer,

and, if we are lucky, leaning in
for the day’s closing practice—

kissing someone we love
good night, sleep tight,

may we awaken to practice
living tomorrow.

Photo/Kirill Ulin
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How the heart affects our perception of time

The tagline on the email grabs me, along with
the first sentence (as a good lead should):

First, it races away unstoppably—
then it seems to stand still.

And I read, my own engine picking up speed,
that our heartbeats can cause the moments

of our lives to drag or fly. And I think,
well, yeah… and I learn that we can’t

consider time in isolation from the body.
Researchers asked people to estimate

which of two sounds or images felt
shorter or longer, and here’s the kicker:

When the heart contracts, time feels shorter;
when the heart relaxes, time seems longer.

So time, indeed, flies when we’re having fun,
or seems endless when we’re bored, these

lives made up of milliseconds that, when
combined into trillions, make up our story.

We are all composed of micro moments, our
hearts ka-thumping in patterns that shape time,

or how we perceive it, which is no surprise
to all of us who’ve wished for more of it

with those we love—to look on that sweet face
even a minute longer, to hold that hand again,

as our fragile, sturdy hearts palpitate,
time pulsing away whether we recognize it

or not.

Inside the clock face of Big Ben, Palace of Westminster, London, circa 1905
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